Mom takes away 18-year-old sons gaming equipment after he verbally berated women online, dad thinks punishment was out of line: 'He is a man now'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 19, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

The misogynistic gamer is a well-known trope, and while it's not true for all gamers, it certainly applies to a large facet of the subculture. So many gamers believe that because games are make-believe, their misogyny towards female gamers is completely inconsequential. Honestly, I don't know why you would think that just because you're anonymous, your words don't matter, but so many internet users have employed that logic for decades; it's unsurprising at this point. 

One mother found herself at an impasse when she overheard her 18-year-old son berating women while gaming. She decided to punish him, taking away his games and gaming chair that she bought for him, but her husband disagreed. While he thought the behavior was unacceptable, he didn't know whether it was right to punish an 18-year-old who is technically an adult. When her friends and loved ones had mixed feelings about her punishing him, she felt more conflicted than ever. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10361445632
    via Alex Haney
  • 02
    AITA for banning my adult son from playing video games?
    via u/karmasnarma
  • 03
    A week ago I caught my son who is newly 18 verbally berating a woman online. He just graduated last week. He plays many video games on his computer in his free time so I'm not certain which one it was, but it was a shooting game.
    via u/karmasnarma
  • 04
    I walked by his room and heard him shout "dumb ," which left me rooted to the spot in shock because I had never heard him cuss before. I pressed my ear against his door (I know I was wrong for this) and heard him spewing the most sexist imaginable. Forgive my language but I heard him calling her names like ,cumwhore and more. He and told her to go back to the kitchen, that cooking are all women are good for. And more. Keep in mind I only listened for a few minutes and still heard all of that.
    via u/karmasnarma
  • 05
    I opened his door without warning and asked was going on. He got upset at him what the me for entering without knocking and embarrassing him for others to hear. Told me to get out. I yelled at him to turn off the game. After some intense arguing, he turned it off. I told him I heard everything and wanted to know if that is how he regularly talks to women in his games. He looked ashamed. He said he was just mad because his team was losing, that it is normal in gaming culture and he doesn't actual
    via u/karmasnarma
  • 06
    I told him that he is no longer allowed to play video games online if that is how he treats people. He got angry again, and said he is an adult and can do what he likes. I told him he could, but not on a computer I paid for using a gaming chair and remote I paid for. I spent the next 10 minutes removing his computer from his room. He was very angry.
    via u/karmasnarma
  • 07
    When his father (my husband) came home, I told him what happened. He agreed with me that our son's behavior was unacceptable, but also felt that I was out of line for removing his game when he is a man now. I got mad at him too. Then he and I argued. I said if he wants to play video games, he can buy his own computer because he will not be doing it on the one I paid for. The other day my son tried to sneak the computer out of my closet so I dropped it off at my brother's house and threatened to
    via u/karmasnarma
  • 08
    My friends and family that I have confided in are mixed on this. Everyone agrees that he was wrong to berate that girl, but some feel that I don't have the right to punish an adult. Some have gone as far as to say it is normal for a teenage boy. Truth be told I am disappointed and disgusted I raised someone like this. It shames me to think my own son can be that cruel, that he thinks that lowly of women. I have no idea how long this has been going on. At the same time, I keep hearing that he is
    via u/karmasnarma
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    DragonCelica 8 hr. ago edited 6 hr. ago NTA I'm in a subreddit for girl gamers, and this kind of behavior is something many have been on the receiving end of. Many have even been told they should be raped. One put an incident like that online, hoping for support, only for numerous comments telling her to get out of "male spaces," don't use voice chat, or "get good."
    via u/DragonCelica
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    Guys like that are why so many female gamers don't use the mic. Others use programs to alter their voice to sound like men. It's toxic as Your son is an adult, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate his behavior and provide him the tools to continue it. Also, misogynistic gamers are tied to a lack of skills.
    via u/DragonCelica
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    karmasnarma OP. 8 hr. ago It's so valuable to hear from female gamers. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm sorry people like my son make it this way for you
    via u/karmasnarma
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    DragonCelica 7 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [24] I'm sorry your son fell into that mindset. I'm glad you're trying to show him you won't tolerate it. Your husband should be condemning such behavior. As a man, and father, his voice can carry more weight with your son right now. He needs to hear him say it's unacceptable, and why.
    via u/DragonCelica
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    Anyone who thinks it should be excused as "normal" are saying bigotry is acceptable since it's common. If you want to shut them down, ask if they would take umbrage with him spewing racist vitriol? Toxic mindsets need to be challenged in both scenarios.
    via u/DragonCelica
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    Referentialist 4 hr. ago Your husband is wrong in so many ways, one of them being that if your son speaks to women that way he is not yet a man.
    via u/Referentialist
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    TransJesusFan. 8 hr. ago NTA DUH. my mouth was wide open the whole time! omgosh especially since his mom heard the only good for ... part i would've told him to detox from video games for a week and use them to be more respectful towards people and even use them to grow respect before he goes on to the real world however it's up to him to be influenced by others in "gaming culture"
    via u/TransJesusFan
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    karmasnarma OP. 8 hr. ago My jaw was on the floor as I listened to him. It was sickening. I'm doubtful I will return the computer to him but if I do I am thinking of setting it up in a public space where he can be more easily heard
    via u/karmasnarma
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    DesperateinDunharrow 8 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] NTA. Your son seems very entitled. You need to explain to him (and your husband), that he's not a man while he's throwing tantrums and living on your money. Being an adult means having more freedom because you are paying for your lifestyle. If he wants to do as he likes he can pay for his own computer, electricity, furniture and home. Does he pay you rent?
    via u/DesperateinDunharrow
  • 18
    karmasnarma OP - 8 hr. ago Nope he doesn't pay rent. I wanted him to enjoy his break before going to college. He can't afford to buy himself a computer.
    via u/karmasnarma
  • 19
    UMABYUMA 7 hr. ago A person does not automatically become mature upon turning eighteen. He doesn't pay any expenses, can't buy his own computer and games, and lives and eats for free in his parents' house. He is definitely not a real adult and is far from being a "man."
    via u/UMAbyUMA

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gamer mother gaming Misogyny gamers video game online gaming dad adult son punishment gamer girls video games mom son parents Father
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